Finding happiness without toxicity.... love, teamwork and respect... appreciation and never taking another for granted... committed... what life can be when you stop blocking your blessings... xoxo
It's been an amazing week... Both Bill and I are happier than we've been in a long time... Our lives are blending together well. For a long time I've been afraid to have someone in my house. Yet he keeps showing me in actions (without complaint or even requests) what a true team does. I just keep grinning my ass off and my heart swells with love.
I've got to make this blog short... as I wanted to get it in before I start my crazy eight days...
Our week in a nut shell... We had a lazy day with a few errands... A crazy day that ended with a dinner party with my besties that y'all are still talking about...
We ate lots of great food over the week... sharing the cooking and not so much the cleaning (he says his hands are the cleanest they have been in 10 years lol)... did I mention I love this man?
Christmas eve was spent baking and watching White Christmas... he suffered through my favorite movie while nibbling on the cookies of his youth....
Cookies... The holidays are about traditions... memories of Christmas past and making traditions of our own... as I "Become Crowell", Bill and I will come up with our traditions but I wanted to do something to honor his past... which is why I asked for his favorite childhood cookie recipe. He grinned away as I made, rolled, baked and glazed his cookies... and I felt the love of my grandfather, who's flannel shirt I was wearing... and my other grandfather, whose pin roller I was using to roll the cookies with... It felt right to be blending our history all together at that one moment...
Christmas day was filled with love and laughter...from the first sip of Mudgie made coffee brought to me in bed... to us opening our gifts... to playing Cards Against Humanity with my kids (apparently I have a sick mind... I kept winning)... to dinner with my parents... to coming home and cleaning and packing for the week...
It's hard to get up and get ready to go... knowing I have got to send him home, nay Richmond, once again... It' helps to know that I'll see him tomorrow night in Richmond... and when I come home from England, he'll be here waiting for me in Atlanta... I couldn't be any happier with that thought...
Of all the presents we opened... the best present of them all was one that couldn't be opened... just savored... the time spent together... It's a Mudgieful life and that's a very good thing...
Some people love listening to music at night.... some fall asleep listening to CNN or Jimmy Kimmel.... My favorite late night talk show is "Mudgie Talk". I had the true pleasure of listening to my favorite radio station four nights this week. Night one's topic was regarding staffing in bowling alleys. Night two the location was unclear but Mudgie "FUCKING knew how to do things!!!" I rolled over, kissed his cheek and said "I know honey of course you do"... and then he calmly explained in detail exactly how to do it. Night three was multiple topics that I don't remember but he was very animated each time he started one... whatever they were he was frustrated... so I turned, kissed him and told him I love him. He'd stop mid sentence, say "I love you too" and immediately fall back to sleep. The next morning he woke up wondering why I had woken him twice to tell him I love him and then he realized what I had done and grinned. He knows even in his sleep I have a calming effect on him. The last night his topic was dirty wet hands and no paper towels or napkins... I rolled over, kissed him and said "Use the cloth ones baby..." he said "ok" and went back to sleep.... The next day I told him he was obviously more distressed than he let on the day before when I ran out of all the paper products... Told him I have at least 50 damask napkins in my sideboard. I used to collect them.... We are good. :)
These moments make me grin... it's like a window into his dreams and I wake up just enough to remember he's beside me which warms my soul. I desperately try to remember exactly what he talks about when I wake up... I repeat key words to self so I will remember. I don't always.... and I have joked with him that I am going to start keeping a Mudgie Talk journal next to the bed to write down his musings... One of the nights during his talk show I woke up dying of heat- he's closely snuggled up spooning me and on my other side there was a wall of kitteh's from my chest to my knees. I was stuck under blankets that couldn't be moved without waking up something or someone I love. As I painstakenly moved inch by inch up out of the sheets to get cold air on my skin I thought life could be a whole lot worse than being surrounded by a love furnace. :)
When Bill is in Atlanta I get a glimpse of how my life can be. The coffee brought to me every morning while I sleep... the help around the house... I've been a single mom for 7 years... and help is a radical concept... hell lets look at the 11 years I was married... I never found that the dishes were miraculously cleaned overnight... I'd go away for four days leaving a clean stocked kitchen and I'd come back to an empty kitchen with overflowing sink. I remember telling my ex there was no magic faerie that moved the dishes to the dish washer and he was just as capable as me to do it. Novel concept? Not. Yet I've never had this assistance. All week I came downstairs in the morning to coffee being ready, the dogs let out and the dishes cleaned.... these simple gestures are the key to my heart.
He's loving cooking for me and the kids... I've taken to calling him my personal chef. He's Mudgie in his glory making fabulous dinners that EVERYONE, even my picky child, is eating. Here's another new concept to me... being told to sit and handed a drink while someone else cooks for me. Can I help? Nope. We have fun cooking along each other too though... one night he made enchiladas while I made fresh guacamole.... another morning we made bacon and french toast... later falling asleep on the couch cuddled together... How gloriously normal is that?
Also "normal" is the making rounds with friends... Cherie was "home" Tuesday night, Thursday we all had brunch at Angelia and MJ's... and Thursday night Kirsten and Mark came over with her kids for dinner. Couples things with friends that are my life's blood. It's meant alot to me to watch my friends get to know Bill and adore him too. Even my son is warming up to him... plopping down on the sofa next to him for a while... The dogs are putty in his hands... This sweet goofy lovable gentle giant is making a mark on my home and finding his place in it with very little problems...
Speaking of making a mark on my home... literally... he rigged my house Griswold style with Christmas lights... He spent two days climbing up and down and chasing lights that weren't working... reanalyzing exactly how they should hang. He was a man on a mission... and finished after I left for work Friday.
He's got a project lined up for when he returns in a week. He's going to tidy up the cool prohibition era bar I nabbed off of Angelia. She sent me a picture a couple of weeks ago to show me this cool piece she'd grabbed for her booth and I said "MINE!" without any more info... I LOVE unique pieces. I was planning on using it to jump start the remodel of my 'playroom' but Bill and I have been talking about the piece and we think we are going to make it our coffee bar in our bedroom. He's going to fix the couple of spots that are missing on the veneer... work on the lighting... and help me order the perfect mirror to go in back on the top. I'll post pictures after he's done with that "honey do"...
Thursday he looked at me and said "Your work is never done is it?" Any single parent knows this to be a true statement. Any time out we take for ourselves we pay for it later... the house doesn't stop getting dirtier.. the laundry stock piles... the sink fills with dishes... it can be overwhelming at times and is one of the reasons I love my job... I get paid to have downtime... time that I can sit and not feel guilty for laying in bed longer than normal. The only time I truly have nothing to do. So it's just hard to put into words how very grateful I am to have someone that comes in and is instantly part of a 'team' that gets it's work and happily takes some of that work off of my hands. Every bit of help is appreciated tenfold. That's part of a great relationship isn't it? I appreciate him so I do loving things for him... which he soaks up and makes him want to do more loving things for me. It's a cycle of love that builds each other up instead of tearing each other down... Novel concept? Not.
"Nobody Does it Better" - Carly Simon
Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you're the best
I wasn't looking but somehow you found me
It tried to hide from your love light
But like Heaven above me
The spy who loved me
Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight
And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so good?
The way that you hold me
Whenever you hold me
There's some kind of magic inside you
That keeps me from running
But just keep it coming
How'd you learn to do the things you do?
And nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, baby, darlin', you're the best
There's something about the person you love stroking your head.... whether it be their hands tangled in your hair or just the gentle touch on your head... or face... it makes you revert back to the animal you started from many generations ago. You understand the cat purring and the dog rubbing their back further into your leg for attention. That simple touch warms hearts and heals soo many pains.
There's something about not being able to touch the person you love. The ache of needing to touch and be touched starts small and becomes this void of monstrous proportions if time apart drags on too long.
There's something about loving another person so much that all you need is to be in their presence. To be able to reach out and touch them. To snuggle up to them. To look at them and know they see you, understand you and love you for who you are. These small simple pleasures mean more to you than grandiose gifts.
Finding someone that does this for you is one of the greatest gifts life can afford you.... Remember it's a gift. Don't take it for granted... and if that void of monstrous proportions starts to consume you... find a way to get to your "one". Don't let it slip away. Reach out and hold on tight. It's worth the battle. I promise.
You talked in your sleep last night like you always do... but this time I got you to talk with me... you let me join you in your sleeping mind... 18 hours later I'm trying to remember the trigger words I repeated in my head over and over before I went back to sleep grinning so I could use them in a blog.. but they are lost in the fog of both of our sleepiness...
Thank you for bringing me my mocha this morning, for not wanting to miss a minute with me last night and, most importantly, for the love that is in your heart that you wear across your face every time you get near me... <3
"I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" - Aerosmith
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For the rest of time, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
and I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss a thing
I haven't written for nearly a month because I wanted to make this blog solely about us and things that we have done together. Yet in the wee hours of the morning I realized that I needed to feed the blog as much as we need to feed each other emotionally.
Long distance relationships are hard... and our two careers sometimes make it impossible to see each other for stretches at a time. October was fabulous. November has been bleak. December has the potential to be fabulous again once we get there. It's the "getting there" that is taking its toll on both of us.
Buzzfeed (http://www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry/things-no-one-tells-you-about-being-in-a-long-distance-re) had 22 things that people don't tell you about being in a long distance relationship.
1. People tend to not take you seriously when you say you are doing it.
Truth. They act like its a phase. Because it's said phase they don't really want to hear about the relationship because why should they invest time into listening about the person when one day you will simply "snap out of it".
2. You don't realize how sad you'll be until your baby leaves.
False. I know the moment I see him I'm going to be destroyed when he or I leave again. So I focus on the next time we'll be together. It's that focus that gets me through.
3. You often have to resort to a ton of voice calls or messaging.
Shouldn't every relationship? This shouldn't just be a long distance thing.
4. In order for it to work you both have to be committed.
Again, this should be for all relationships.
5. Time tends to slow down because you are counting down the time til they come back.
Truth. Time is a motherfucker and clocks need to be shot
6. The internet can be your worst enemy.
Truth. When we have horrid internet in one of our hotels or his places of work it drives us both crazy... although I'm someone that tends to find silver linings... and it actually gets comical looking at Bills face frozen in funny moments or hearing him scream his mudgieisms at the computer. When he can see me again after a freeze and he's still screaming "death to all ISPs" I blow kisses at him til he falls back into a fit of laughter.
7. Or the internet can be your best friend.
Truth. Facetime is the saving grace for a long distance relationship. It keeps you connected even though you cant touch the person you love.
8. Flying out to see them is more expensive that you think.
Not really applicable for us. The cost has affected his getting to me a bit... and it's frustrating for both of us, however next year he'll have my benefits and it wont cost him more than the equivilant to a tank of gas.
9. Every day there will be things that trigger memories of your significant other that will cause you to randomly cry.
Not true for me. I see those things and grin like an idiot.
10. Distance starts to mean something entirely different.
The actual physical space between you not the emotional space.
11. You become more independent in a good way.
Fuck that shit. I've been independent for 7 years raising my kids and taking care of my home. He's been independent for a long time and we both, at our age, know what we are capable of. I don't need a long distance relationship to fucking tell me how to be independent.
12. Trust and communication become the two most important things that can make or break your relationship.
Truth. The distance actually makes us be more communicative about our thoughts. Building on an already solid friendship.
13. Conversations aren't always lively.
Truth. We have them nightly to keep our connection. That said, there are nights when I'm talking and Bill's response is "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah."
"Honey I'm sorry, I know you had a long day. Do you want me to let you sleep?"
"You probably should"... lol
I should state here both of us have done this.... :)
14. When you see anyone hug or kiss on tv you experience a moment of debilitating sadness.
False. But when I'm watching a movie and someone is about to get laid my body goes into overdrive screaming at me the unfairness of the distance and having to wait X amount of days more to be crawling up that tall drink of yumm.
15. You are more attached to your phone than ever.
False. My friends will tell you that my phone has always been a part of my body. Like a third arm. I'm guilty of never putting it down. Except to sleep. Then it's right next to me. Because it's a part of my body right?
16. Planning has become a forte in your life
Um. Truth for him. It's forcing him to plan. Me, I've always been a control freak in my planning.
17. You get alot more negative comments from your friends than positive.
Refer to #1. It's simply not a topic of conversation with the exception of Sandra who knows Bill and has hung with us multiple times. She loves him to death and always wants to know how he is.
18. Everytime you see your friends you are asked about your significant other and the "long distance situation".
Refer to #17. He does get asked that question though.
19. You have more opportunities to be more romantic and a little creative.
Oooh, I liked the picture they had in their writing. May have to think like that. Don't go read it Bill lol. The texts that we send to lift each other up at certain times of day though can be the sweetest things received EVER.
20. The thirst is real and unavoidable and pretty easy to deal with.
Truth. Seeing each other again is fabulous. Until then thank god for batteries.
21. Your time is now focused on the friendship part of the relationship.
Truth. This is not a bad thing.
22. Seeing them after all those months is the best thing in the world and makes all the effort worth it.
Truth.
It's hard. We know we have this thing... and it's an amazing thing... yet a part of us is 512 miles away. Everything we do daily we do in order to keep the connection going and keep us sane. On my side, the longer apart I am, the more I shut down into a "pc hibernation mode"... It keeps me sane that calm numbness. I realized yesterday though that I have to try to stay out of that mode for him. My head and heart saving numbness is tearing him apart making him think I'm giving up. I'm not baby. I will try to stay out of that mode for you. We'll find a
balance for both of us. December is almost here and when the new year
comes along we'll be planning how to get you down to me permanently.
I'm not giving up that easily... Don't you.
"Don't Give Up" - Peter Gabriel
in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail
no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose
don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good
though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn
drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakeside
as daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong
rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up
'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing
moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs
don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's a place
there's a place where we belong
When Bill and I are able to see each other, it feels as if the planets have somehow aligned. After I dropped off four kids (two not mine) at school on Friday, I rushed to the airport as fast as I could knowing that the flights to Richmond looked better in the early a.m. than later in the afternoon... I had a back up plan to fly to Newport News, but I knew Saturdays flights out of Richmond were wide open so my heart was set on somehow flying there. For some unknown reason there was no traffic during rush hour... I drove to the airport in record time and made it to a flight I wasn't expecting to make. I arrived in Richmond earlier than I expected... this gave me time for a small detour that I'd hoped to be able to do... Carytown Cupcakes (www.carytown-cupcakes.com) to bring Bill a bday "cake"... For those that want to try their unique delicacies such as Guinness and Whiskey Sour Cupcakes, until the end of the year there is a Groupon for a half dozen... I'll let Bill tell you whether or not the cupcakes are delicious... as I left him with the half dozen to eat over the next couple of days. I also left him with what was left of the pumpkin bread I made... The bread he dove into and had to force himself to slow down and not finish the loaf all in one setting... I think he approved...
We had time to have a drink and an appetizer before we met up with his sister and her husband. It was great to meet Mikie and get more of the family stories... and more of Bill's history.... Seeing his sister meant more to him than either one of us can express. We both wished we had more time to sit and talk before he went to work.
We ran off to the Pour House so he could do sound for Flat Elvis. A band of guys he's known for a long long time... The guys were great. I enjoyed listening to them and watching the crowd dance and get completely into their music. It was also a blast to watch Bill work. I've seen one side of his job at the Paramount last month... This was a different "hat". I just kept grinning as I watched him. I also got to see my new sister from another mother and her adorable sweetheart again. I freaking love Tammy and Chris. They are great people. Warm and funny and a joy to be around. They just add to my happiness and increase the feeling that going to Richmond is a coming home. They stayed for most of the Flat Elvis gig. The rest of the night I just sat next to Bill and enjoyed his company as he worked.
That was the theme of the weekend really. Get to Richmond. Spend Bill's birthday with him even though he was working. Smother him in presents, food, drinks, and lots of love. Today he had to work sound at the Pumpkin Festival in Richmond. I joined him there an hour after he got there... he let me sleep in after leaving me a mocha next to the bed. Did I mention I love him? He knows the way to my heart... sleep and coffee in bed.
I originally planned on taking the second to last flight out of Richmond Saturday. I like to have "back up plans" when I travel standby. I have to work Sunday at 1 and didn't want to risk not getting home in time to pack and get back to work. (3 hour round trip drive) Yet as I was sitting next to him by the stage, the weather was perfect, my heart was happy and by 12:30 when I was supposed to get up and leave I simply could not bring myself to walk away from him. I quietly checked the last flight loads and then the first flight out Sunday (to see if it was a back up plan).... and when the stars aligned again... I took the risk... and changed my flight to 6pm. Which bought us another 4 hours together. I looked at him and asked him if he loved me... and he said "to the moon and beyond"... and I told him I changed my flight and wished him happy birthday again... The look on his face was worth the risk... Pure unadulterated happiness.... I bought him lunch and a birthday cheesecake... one of his friends gave me beer tickets... I changed into a cooler t shirt and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with him... listening to great music... enjoying a perfect fall day... with the birthday boy... a man that makes my heart and soul happy.
When it came time for me to leave it tore us both to shreds... It's getting increasingly harder to leave his side. As I drove off my whole being was screaming "go back to him. Take the morning flight". I knew I couldn't risk it so I went to the airport miserable. I'll see him again next week... I'll focus on that for now. He put it best. When we are home alone we are "part home"... the other part is with the other person... because home truly is where the heart is...
I think I'll close this blog with an answer to his self doubt... He asked me again if I'd be his wife... and again I said yes... and he just doesn't understand why I'd want a 53 year old, bald curmudgeon... He says this as he is wearing his heart on his sleeve... Sigh... So Bill...
"Let me tell you why I love him
Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly cause
his light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie
I remember the very first day that I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
Its almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he was my wife
And even, the things I don't like about him are fine with me
Because its not hard for me to understand him because he's so much like me
And its truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe the air he breathes..." - India Arie "The Truth"
You keep asking me if you are dreaming... so yesterday I pinched you to ensure you that you are indeed awake.... I'm sure that while most of your friends like to give you no ends of shit, they'd also be able to tell you five reasons why they think you are a great guy.... I decided to google "what women want in a man"... Elitedaily.com had the perfect answers... So Bill... let's see what you have to offer...
1. Honesty – but not too much of it.
- Yes, honesty is important to me. I think that everyone will say that you darling, are the epitome of an open book... You say what you're thinking positive or negative.
2. Understanding – so that she doesn’t feel the need to have to explain herself.
- Remember that lil incident that got me angry... and I walked away for a few to calm down? When I came back to you to tell you what it was that had set me off. You listened. You understood. You didn't dismiss my feelings... and better yet... you sided with me on the issue.
3. Caring – she needs to know she matters to you.
- Heart on sleeve...check check check check
4. Strength – both mental and physical.
- shower. nuff said... no really. What's hot? Getting my kayaks put away without breaking a sweat. You could have been done right then and there in my garage babe.
5. Compassion – shows her you’re capable of loving.
- Did I mention heart on sleeve? again... check check and check
6. Security – financial and literal.
You don’t need to be a millionaire. Well, for some women, you very
well may need to be, but hopefully you’ll only end up with one who
admires the traits required for turning oneself into a millionaire and
not the money alone. Generally speaking, the right woman will love you
for you, but she does need you to make her feel secure. She wants to feel that you will protect her from physical harm. She
wants to know that you’ll keep her safe, healthy and comfortable. Does
she need you to keep her safe? To bring home the bread? No. But she’d
like you to be capable of it – even if her salary is bigger than yours.
She’ll have your back too so you can rest easier as well. - read the article comments 10 times... Any questions?
7. Blind Loyalty – she wants to be the only woman he has eyes for.
- I don't doubt this for even a split second. check check and check....
So, to end this conversation once and for all. Bill, I love you because you have a big heart. Because you are undoubtedly devoted to me... because I know that you will never take me for granted... You are getting what you give baby. I appreciate your heart... I realize that no one has accepted the potential of the untapped Mudgie... we're under three months baby and you are smiling... repeatedly... I know once you accept this gift called love completely, you will freaking shine... and never doubt the good things this world has to offer... I crave the sun baby and it's coming out... in Richmond and Atlanta... you are starting to shine and the warmth is caressing my skin and heart like no one else has.
I was going to name today's blog "becoming family" but my girlfriend Angelia last night trumped all possible names when she wished me "Happy Birthday Tinsel Tits"... I love my friends... Angelia is part of my "Maybelline Queen's"... a few gals who may look soft and high maintenance but will take you down and chipper shred that shizzle and use your leftovers for fertilizer in our backyards... Warm, strong, independent women who can make me laugh until I can't breathe and tears are falling down my face... I love them cray cray like.
My actual birthday was fabulous, I woke up to Bill bringing me coffee in bed that my girl Cherie made. I felt the love with every sip. We got the kids up and went to Burt's Pumpkin Farm in Dahlonega. It's an annual trek to a 'real' farm where there are hay rides and beautiful fall views... I always come home with a wheelbarrow full of pumpkins... some to carve on Halloween and the rest to cook down between now and Christmas to make pumpkin bread, cheesecake, and pie... This baker doesn't used canned pumpkin... The first pumpkin will be sacrificed next Wednesday for several loaves of pumpkin bread... Gotta bring Bill something yummy for his bday... :)
It was a quick trip to the mountains... cut short by my poor son getting a migraine (which is why he isn't in any of the pictures...)
It all worked out though because we got home to a glorious day in Atlanta and decided to set up a game of Croquet in my back yard. My kids and my girl Cherie love playing Croquet. I tried to warn Bill about the house rules... and about watching your back when Cherie is playing. That girl has no shame in her cheating. Mid way through the game no one is innocent... Bill is hiding Cherie's ball like it's an Easter egg every time she goes back to the patio for a drink. CJ is moving wickets. Even Katie nonchalantly kicked Cherie's ball... leaving Bill and I grinning until Cherie turned around and screeched "that TREE was NOT in the WAY of MY ball!"... Now Bill and I are guffawing, holding our guts bending over with tears coming down our faces...
My family and Cherie play the only game of croquet I know that requires shin guards and body armor... potentially even mouth guards... It's a full contact sport with grass flying and hysterical screams and laughter.
Bill and I fought for first place... Katie was right behind us... Cherie and CJ continued to send each others balls all over the back yard... It was the perfect afternoon. We all had a blast. I just stood there grinning all afternoon surrounded by the love of my kids, my girlfriend and of course my 'broken' Mudgie Rigger.... The weather was glorious for a fall day.... I could simply not ask for more.
We had to take Bill to the airport by dinner time to try to get him back to Richmond. Stand by flying is cheap but can wear out the best of people. He got on the last flight of the day... with one seat left to spare.... Happy he made it because his plans this weekend are important... but sad to see him leave... He fits in my family just fine... and I'm ready for him to stay. xoxo
My girlfriends (Alex, Cherie) and I had dinner at STK in Atlanta. Cherie came along last minute when she found out she didn't have to work. Cherie, btw, says she lives in Peachtree City. That's bull. Her son does in a house she pays for, but she lives with me when I'm home. She's already told Bill she's part of the package. Anyway, I digress, the gals and I had an amazing meal and then wandered down the street for coffee at Cafe Intermezzo. With stomach full, and coffee in my system for the drive home, I headed back knowing I had one of the best birthdays I've had in a long long time. I love you all so much.
While we were gone, my cats were busy altering the pumpkins we had put out. Apparently stems are evil things that must be removed from pumpkins. Who knew? I'm left seriously afraid about Christmas with Cleo...
I'm cleaning up today, getting ready to go back to work... and I found the magic flannel. Bill gave me a crew shirt to sleep in when he's not here. Us chicks like a piece of their mans clothes to sleep in... we are silly like that. But I found out there's magic in the combination of wearing a flannel shirt and a crew shirt... Hair immediately grows at exponential rates on your face... My girlfriend screamed and tore off the flannel before it was too late. I almost truly became... Crowell. :D
The birthday weeks (ours are back to back) commenced with Bill flying down to celebrate mine this week. Day one we had lunch with Alex, one of my closest girlfriends on the planet, and her son. Meeting Alex was on Bill's "To-do-before-bended-knee" list. Check and done... and not so painful as he talked about his job and a fascinated 14 year old looked at pictures of rigging... A crew shirt will be heading his way when Bill returns.
Later that day we had my early birthday dinner with my dad, step-mom, kids and their dad at my dads. Daddy can make some mean ribs! It was a good environment for Bill to meet my ex. Not on either one of our properties,
aka the Neutral Zone. When my ex and I divorced 7 years ago we bought properties back to back and had similar houses built on them. The kids and dogs run back and forth between the homes. When I'm in town my babies and fur babies come home, when I fly out they all traipse through the backyard to their dads. I know some of y'all are worried about my living arrangements. While my ex and I were not great married, we are being the best parents we can be divorced. Responsibilities are shared. We cover kid events equally. Holidays we celebrate together. We made the commitment early on that we would give our kids as much "normal" and as little drama as we could provide them through their childhood. My kids and everyone I've dated over the past 7 years know that this is a non negotiable to me. I will be here for my kids til my daughter graduates. After she's 18, my dream goal is for me to be in Florida or another warmer climate near water south of Atlanta. (This dream may be altered due to Bill to any lake near Richmond so he can be near his family and friends...) Meeting my ex was also on the checklist... not because the ex has to approve of Bill, but so Bill can see, understand, and not have any worries about that relationship. He hadn't expressed any worries but I needed to ensure for my own fierce protection of Bill's feelings that he was truly comfortable in the situation.
Today we've been super lazy... enjoying quiet time together... well as quiet as my fur babies will let us be.... I made him one of my omelets... Roast chicken, fresh basil from the garden and goat cheese... Yeah, he now knows why my friends that stay make me coffee in the morning... I CAN rock the omelet...
We're making dinner now... I just finished a candy corn fudge... and about to make orange angel food cake candy corn cupcakes for desert... the evening is another early bday celebration with him, my kids and my girl Cherie... He's already given me my beautiful present... he couldn't wait til the morning... Freaking love it! I'm a very lucky woman to have this amazing big hearted man.... and all the best friends a girl could want... I'm going into my 48th year knowing I'm beyond blessed... and knowing the best is yet to come.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
As I sat in Manchester, New Hampshire, eating a burger smothered in grilled onions and mushrooms in between two grilled cheese sandwiches I realized I was changing... Two months ago I never would have attempted to down this monstrosity that the Red Arrow Diner is known for... but I did it to make my sweetie proud... and OMG it was fabulous... I couldn't finish it, but it was simply amazing... I'll go back and have another next time I am in town... and pray they have their Dinah Fingers available then too... Who is this Heather eating this this THING?
This change has been happening slowly in the past two months... Two weeks ago I found myself making bacon in lil heart shapes.... carrying handpicked flowers through airports (TSA loves that!) and grumbling at my laptop incoherently when Windows 8.1 drives me batty... I had an epiphany over that burger... I know now what is happening to me... I am... gasp... becoming Crowell.
How'd this happen? It's all due to this social media phenomenon where we are meeting people through friends... I've met both men and women online who I consider friends today... many I've never met in person... others I've made an effort to meet... <3 Suzie my fabulous friend who I met when I flew out to be in her wedding a few years back... We'd known and supported each other in a music chat room for a few years before her wedding day... A year later I flew out to see her baby... love her to the moon and back... <3 Mary, bemary... my fabulous friend from eBay... I used to buy her vintage linens... and ended up meeting her in Myrtle Beach for a weekend years later... today we are still trying to see each other again in WI when I fly in... <3 Melissa my shoe pusher and fellow SLO devotee... one of these days we will meet... <3 Shelbi my SLO designer... I finally just got to meet. There are many more men and women between eBay, Facebook, etc... who lift me up and make me smile daily... In August I realized one of these men lived in a town I was going to be in for 18 hours so I decided to make him a 'real' friend... and tossed out the cookie of "come have coffee with me"... We had drinks, coffee and lunch those 18 hours and as I talked to him all I could think of was the chemistry I wasn't expecting. Chicken shit I am... I didn't admit it til I got home... which led to hours of video chat and another personal trip back to Richmond a week later to um... discuss that chemistry... Twenty Four hours later yeah... there it was and what the heck are we going to do about it... Reach for it... explore it... let go and let God with it... I'm making new friends that I cherish along the way... Tammy in the left picture is THE BOMB! A sister from another mother... Accepting me into her existence with a hug and lots of laughter...
Bill then starts talking forever and I'm smiling and saying "time out time out... ya gotta meet my kids... see my life that you will be a part of and see if you really want to be a part of that..." So he buys a ticket and comes to Atlanta... What? Man on a mission? :) I've become someones priority.
He's got the dogs in the palm of his hands... Cleo and Avery are putty in his hands, the little traitorous kitties... they follow him everywhere... and my kids are just smiling saying "hey"... I'm watching him in my house and thinking... "damn I think he should stay"... anyone that knows me knows I've been hesitant since my divorce to think about living with anyone anytime soon and now I find myself planning on having him in here as soon as he can get down here... I'm making room in my closets... and keeping bacon stocked in my fridge...
My monthly bidding until he moves here is all about how do I get to Richmond or Charlottesville or Norfolk (next week)... where he will be or where he can get to quickly... 15 days in October... not so bad when it's a long distance thing... Carpe Diem! He's back now for the week for my birthday... exploring how buddy passes work... and he survived the trauma and drama of non rev travel... He's passing all tests with flying colors and I'm grinning... This girl isn't scared... Who could be scared of something that just feels right... of someone whose cats like to cuddle next to their toes?
I've decided that becoming Crowell might not be a bad thing... So I've decided to blog and document our journey... for our friends and family near and far... Watch as we grow together... Join us in our happiness.... Check in here periodically to see what we are up to... and what news you might hear...
To all of you, friends and family... thanks for the support, love and joy you have given us to date...
It's been an amazing week... Both Bill and I are happier than we've been in a long time... Our lives are blending together well. For a long time I've been afraid to have someone in my house. Yet he keeps showing me in actions (without complaint or even requests) what a true team does. I just keep grinning my ass off and my heart swells with love.
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