I Had A Dream Just a Moment Ago...

The last 24 hours were, as always, amazing...

When Bill and I are able to see each other, it feels as if the planets have somehow aligned.  After I dropped off four kids (two not mine) at school on Friday, I rushed to the airport as fast as I could knowing that the flights to Richmond looked better in the early a.m. than later in the afternoon... I had a back up plan to fly to Newport News, but I knew Saturdays flights out of Richmond were wide open so my heart was set on somehow flying there.  For some unknown reason there was no traffic during rush hour... I drove to the airport in record time and made it to a flight I wasn't expecting to make.  I arrived in Richmond earlier than I expected... this gave me time for a small detour that I'd hoped to be able to do... Carytown Cupcakes (www.carytown-cupcakes.com) to bring Bill a bday "cake"... For those that want to try their unique delicacies such as Guinness and Whiskey Sour Cupcakes, until the end of the year there is a Groupon for a half dozen... I'll let Bill tell you whether or not the cupcakes are delicious... as I left him with the half dozen to eat over the next couple of days.  I also left him with what was left of the pumpkin bread I made... The bread he dove into and had to force himself to slow down and not finish the loaf all in one setting...  I think he approved...

We had time to have a drink and an appetizer before we met up with his sister and her husband.  It was great to meet Mikie and get more of the family stories... and more of Bill's history.... Seeing his sister meant more to him than either one of us can express.  We both wished we had more time to sit and talk before he went to work.

We ran off to the Pour House so he could do sound for Flat Elvis.  A band of guys he's known for a long long time... The guys were great.  I enjoyed listening to them and watching the crowd dance and get completely into their music.  It was also a blast to watch Bill work.  I've seen one side of his job at the Paramount last month... This was a different "hat".  I just kept grinning as I watched him. 

I also got to see my new sister from another mother and her adorable sweetheart again.  I freaking love Tammy and Chris.  They are great people.  Warm and funny and a joy to be around.  They just add to my happiness and increase the feeling that going to Richmond is a coming home.  They stayed for most of the Flat Elvis gig.  The rest of the night I just sat next to Bill and enjoyed his company as he worked.

That was the theme of the weekend really.  Get to Richmond.  Spend Bill's birthday with him even though he was working.  Smother him in presents, food, drinks, and lots of love.  Today he had to work sound at the Pumpkin Festival in Richmond.  I joined him there an hour after he got there... he let me sleep in after leaving me a mocha
 next to the bed.  Did I mention I love him?  He knows the way to my heart... sleep and coffee in bed.


I originally planned on taking the second to last flight out of Richmond Saturday.  I like to have "back up plans" when I travel standby.  I have to work Sunday at 1 and didn't want to risk not getting home in time to pack and get back to work.  (3 hour round trip drive)  Yet as I was sitting next to him by the stage, the weather was perfect, my heart was happy and by 12:30 when I was supposed to get up and leave I simply could not bring myself to walk away from him.  I quietly checked the last flight loads and then the first flight out Sunday (to see if it was a back up plan).... and when the stars aligned again... I took the risk... and changed my flight to 6pm.  Which bought us another 4 hours together.  I looked at him and asked him if he loved me...  and he said "to the moon and beyond"... and I told him I changed my flight and wished him happy birthday again...  The look on his face was worth the risk...   Pure unadulterated happiness....  I bought him lunch and a birthday cheesecake... one of his friends gave me beer tickets... I changed into a cooler t shirt and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with him... listening to great music... enjoying a perfect fall day... with the birthday boy... a man that makes my heart and soul happy.

When it came time for me to leave it tore us both to shreds...  It's getting increasingly harder to leave his side.  As I drove off my whole being was screaming "go back to him.  Take the morning flight".  I knew I couldn't risk it so I went to the airport miserable.  I'll see him again next week... I'll focus on that for now.  He put it best.  When we are home alone we are "part home"... the other part is with the other person... because home truly is where the heart is...

I think I'll close this blog with an answer to his self doubt...  He asked me again if I'd be his wife... and again I said yes... and he just doesn't understand why I'd want a 53 year old, bald curmudgeon...  He says this as he is wearing his heart on his sleeve... Sigh... So Bill...

"Let me tell you why I love him

Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly cause
his light it shines so bright I wouldn't lie

I remember the very first day that I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
Its almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he was my wife
And even, the things I don't like about him are fine with me
Because its not hard for me to understand him because he's so much like me
And its truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe the air he breathes..." - India Arie "The Truth"

You keep asking me if you are dreaming... so yesterday I pinched you to ensure you that you are indeed awake....  I'm sure that while most of your friends like to give you no ends of shit, they'd also be able to tell you five reasons why they think you are a great guy....  I decided to google "what women want in a man"... Elitedaily.com had the perfect answers...  So Bill... let's see what you have to offer...

1. Honesty – but not too much of it.
  -  Yes, honesty is important to me.  I think that everyone will say that you darling, are the epitome of an open book... You say what you're thinking positive or negative.
2. Understanding – so that she doesn’t feel the need to have to explain herself.
 -  Remember that lil incident that got me angry... and I walked away for a few to calm down?  When I came back to you to tell you what it was that had set me off.  You listened.  You understood.  You didn't dismiss my feelings... and better yet... you sided with me on the issue.
3. Caring – she needs to know she matters to you.
 -  Heart on sleeve...check check check check
4. Strength – both mental and physical.
 - shower.  nuff said... no really. What's hot?  Getting my kayaks put away without breaking a sweat.  You could have been done right then and there in my garage babe.
5. Compassion – shows her you’re capable of loving.
 -  Did I mention heart on sleeve? again... check check and check
6. Security – financial and literal.
You don’t need to be a millionaire. Well, for some women, you very well may need to be, but hopefully you’ll only end up with one who admires the traits required for turning oneself into a millionaire and not the money alone. Generally speaking, the right woman will love you for you, but she does need you to make her feel secure.
She wants to feel that you will protect her from physical harm. She wants to know that you’ll keep her safe, healthy and comfortable. Does she need you to keep her safe? To bring home the bread? No. But she’d like you to be capable of it – even if her salary is bigger than yours. She’ll have your back too so you can rest easier as well.
 - read the article comments 10 times... Any questions? 

7. Blind Loyalty – she wants to be the only woman he has eyes for.
 -  I don't doubt this for even a split second.  check check and check....

So, to end this conversation once and for all.  Bill, I love you because you have a big heart.  Because you are undoubtedly devoted to me... because I know that you will never take me for granted... You are getting what you give baby.  I appreciate your heart... I realize that no one has accepted the potential of the untapped Mudgie... we're under three months baby and you are smiling... repeatedly... I know once you accept this gift called love completely, you will freaking shine... and never doubt the good things this world has to offer... I crave the sun baby and it's coming out... in Richmond and Atlanta... you are starting to shine and the warmth is caressing my skin and heart like no one else has.

Tinsel Tits Celebrates Her Birthday With Family and Friends

I was going to name today's blog "becoming family" but my girlfriend Angelia last night trumped all possible names when she wished me "Happy Birthday Tinsel Tits"...  I love my friends... Angelia is part of my "Maybelline Queen's"... a few gals who may look soft and high maintenance but will take you down and chipper shred that shizzle and use your leftovers for fertilizer in our backyards...  Warm, strong, independent women who can make me laugh until I can't breathe and tears are falling down my face... I love them cray cray like.

My actual birthday was fabulous, I woke up to Bill bringing me coffee in bed that my girl Cherie made.  I felt the love with every sip.  We got the kids up and went to Burt's Pumpkin Farm in Dahlonega.  It's an annual trek to a 'real' farm where there are hay rides and beautiful fall views...  I always come home with a wheelbarrow full of pumpkins... some to carve on Halloween and the rest to cook down between now and Christmas to make pumpkin bread, cheesecake, and pie...  This baker doesn't used canned pumpkin...  The first pumpkin will be sacrificed next Wednesday for several loaves of pumpkin bread... Gotta bring Bill something yummy for his bday... :)

It was a quick trip to the mountains... cut short by my poor son getting a migraine (which is why he isn't in any of the pictures...)

It all worked out though because we got home to a glorious day in Atlanta and decided to set up a game of Croquet in my back yard.  My kids and my girl Cherie love playing Croquet.  I tried to warn Bill about the house rules... and about watching your back when Cherie is playing.  That girl has no shame in her cheating.  Mid way through the game no one is innocent... Bill is hiding Cherie's ball like it's an Easter egg every time she goes back to the patio for a drink.  CJ is moving wickets.  Even Katie nonchalantly kicked Cherie's ball... leaving Bill and I grinning until Cherie turned around and screeched "that TREE was NOT in the WAY of MY ball!"... Now Bill and I are guffawing, holding our guts bending over with tears coming down our faces...

My family and Cherie play the only game of croquet I know that requires shin guards and body armor... potentially even mouth guards...  It's a full contact sport with grass flying and hysterical screams and laughter.

Bill and I fought for first place... Katie was right behind us... Cherie and CJ continued to send each others balls all over the back yard...  It was the perfect afternoon.  We all had a blast.  I just stood there grinning all afternoon surrounded by the love of my kids, my girlfriend and of course my 'broken' Mudgie Rigger.... The weather was glorious for a fall day.... I could simply not ask for more.

We had to take Bill to the airport by dinner time to try to get him back to Richmond.  Stand by flying is cheap but can wear out the best of people.  He got on the last flight of the day... with one seat left to spare.... Happy he made it because his plans this weekend are important... but sad to see him leave... He fits in my family just fine... and I'm ready for him to stay.  xoxo

My girlfriends (Alex, Cherie) and I had dinner at STK in Atlanta.  Cherie came along last minute when she found out she didn't have to work.  Cherie, btw, says she lives in Peachtree City.  That's bull.  Her son does in a house she pays for, but she lives with me when I'm home.  She's already told Bill she's part of the package.  Anyway, I digress, the gals and I had an amazing meal and then wandered down the street for coffee at Cafe Intermezzo.  With stomach full, and coffee in my system for the drive home, I headed back knowing I had one of the best birthdays I've had in a long long time.  I love you all so much.

While we were gone, my cats were busy altering the pumpkins we had put out.  Apparently stems are evil things that must be removed from pumpkins.  Who knew?  I'm left seriously afraid about Christmas with Cleo...

I'm cleaning up today, getting ready to go back to work... and I found the magic flannel.  Bill gave me a crew shirt to sleep in when he's not here.  Us chicks like a piece of their mans clothes to sleep in... we are silly like that.  But I found out there's magic in the combination of wearing a flannel shirt and a crew shirt... Hair immediately grows at exponential rates on your face...  My girlfriend screamed and tore off the flannel before it was too late.  I almost truly became... Crowell.  :D

beware of flannel
peace out

Oh Yeah Thats Cool Cat I Like it Like That

The birthday weeks (ours are back to back) commenced with Bill flying down to celebrate mine this week.  Day one we had lunch with Alex, one of my closest girlfriends on the planet, and her son.  Meeting Alex was on Bill's "To-do-before-bended-knee" list.  Check and done... and not so painful as he talked about his job and a fascinated 14 year old looked at pictures of rigging... A crew shirt will be heading his way when Bill returns.

Later that day we had my early birthday dinner with my dad, step-mom, kids and their dad at my dads. Daddy can make some mean ribs!  It was a good environment for Bill to meet my ex.  Not on either one of our properties,
aka the Neutral Zone.  When my ex and I divorced 7 years ago we bought properties back to back and had similar houses built on them.  The kids and dogs run back and forth between the homes.  When I'm in town my babies and fur babies come home, when I fly out they all traipse through the backyard to their dads.  I know some of y'all are worried about my living arrangements.  While my ex and I were not great married, we are being the best parents we can be divorced.  Responsibilities are shared.  We cover kid events equally.  Holidays we celebrate together.  We made the commitment early on that we would give our kids as much "normal" and as little drama as we could provide them through their childhood.  My kids and everyone I've dated over the past 7 years know that this is a non negotiable to me.  I will be here for my kids til my daughter graduates.  After she's 18, my dream goal is for me to be in Florida or another warmer climate near water south of Atlanta.  (This dream may be altered due to Bill to any lake near Richmond so he can be near his family and friends...)    Meeting my ex was also on the checklist... not because the ex has to approve of Bill, but so Bill can see, understand, and not have any worries about that relationship.  He hadn't expressed any worries but I needed to ensure for my own fierce protection of Bill's feelings that he was truly comfortable in the situation.

Today we've been super lazy... enjoying quiet time together... well as quiet as my fur babies will let us be....  I made him one of my omelets... Roast chicken, fresh basil from the garden and goat cheese... Yeah, he now knows why my friends that stay make me coffee in the morning... I CAN rock the omelet...

 We're making dinner now... I just finished a candy corn fudge... and about to make orange angel food cake candy corn cupcakes for desert... the evening is another early bday celebration with him, my kids and my girl Cherie... He's already given me my beautiful present... he couldn't wait til the morning... Freaking love it!  I'm a very lucky woman to have this amazing big hearted man.... and all the best friends a girl could want... I'm going into my 48th year knowing I'm beyond blessed... and knowing the best is yet to come.

 As I sat in Manchester, New Hampshire, eating a burger smothered in grilled onions and mushrooms in between two grilled cheese sandwiches I realized I was changing... Two months ago I never would have attempted to down this monstrosity that the Red Arrow Diner is known for... but I did it to make my sweetie proud...  and OMG it was fabulous... I couldn't finish it, but it was simply amazing... I'll go back and have another next time I am in town... and pray they have their Dinah Fingers available then too...  Who is this Heather eating this this THING?

This change has been happening slowly in the past two months...  Two weeks ago I found myself making bacon in lil heart shapes....  carrying handpicked flowers through airports (TSA loves that!) and grumbling at my laptop incoherently when Windows 8.1 drives me batty...   I had an epiphany over that burger... I know now what is happening to me...  I am... gasp... becoming Crowell.

How'd this happen?  It's all due to this social media phenomenon where we are meeting people through friends... I've met both men and women online who I consider friends today... many I've never met in person... others I've made an effort to meet... <3 Suzie my fabulous friend who I met when I flew out to be in her wedding a few years back... We'd known and supported each other in a music chat room for a few years before her wedding day... A year later I flew out to see her baby... love her to the moon and back...  <3 Mary, bemary... my fabulous friend from eBay...  I used to buy her vintage linens... and ended up meeting her in Myrtle Beach for a weekend years later... today we are still trying to see each other again in WI when I fly in... <3 Melissa my shoe pusher and fellow SLO devotee... one of these days we will meet...  <3 Shelbi my SLO designer... I finally just got to meet.  There are many more men and women between eBay, Facebook, etc... who lift me up and make me smile daily...  In August I realized one of these men lived in a town I was going to be in for 18 hours so I decided to make him a 'real' friend... and tossed out the cookie of "come have coffee with me"...  We had drinks, coffee and lunch those 18 hours and as I talked to him all I could think of was the chemistry I wasn't expecting.  Chicken shit I am... I didn't admit it til I got home...  which led to hours of video chat and another personal trip back to Richmond a week later to um... discuss that chemistry...
Twenty Four hours later yeah... there it was and what the heck are we going to do about it... Reach for it... explore it... let go and let God with it...  I'm making new friends that I cherish along the way... Tammy in the left picture is THE BOMB!  A sister from another mother...  Accepting me into her existence with a hug and lots of laughter...

Bill then starts talking forever and I'm smiling and saying "time out time out... ya gotta meet my kids... see my life that you will be a part of and see if you really want to be a part of that..."  So he buys a ticket and comes to Atlanta... What?  Man on a mission?  :)  I've become someones priority.

He's got the dogs in the palm of his hands... Cleo and Avery are putty in his hands, the little traitorous kitties... they follow him everywhere... and my kids are just smiling saying "hey"... I'm watching him in my house and thinking... "damn I think he should stay"... anyone that knows me knows I've been hesitant since my divorce to think about living with anyone anytime soon and now I find myself planning on having him in here as soon as he can get down here... I'm making room in my closets... and keeping bacon stocked in my fridge...

My monthly bidding until he moves here is all about how do I get to Richmond or Charlottesville or Norfolk (next week)... where he will be or where he can get to quickly... 15 days in October... not so bad when it's a long distance thing...  Carpe Diem!
He's back now for the week for my birthday... exploring how buddy passes work... and he survived the trauma and drama of non rev travel...  He's passing all tests with flying colors and I'm grinning...  This girl isn't scared...  Who could be scared of something that just feels right... of someone whose cats like to cuddle next to their toes?

I've decided that becoming Crowell might not be a bad thing... So I've decided to blog and document our journey... for our friends and family near and far...  Watch as we grow together...  Join us in our happiness....  Check in here periodically to see what we are up to... and what news you might hear...

To all of you, friends and family... thanks for the support, love and joy you have given us to date...

Bill and Heather 10/2014