Vision Without Action is a Daydream, Action Without Vision is a Nightmare (Setting Goals in 2019 Part 3)

I had a dream.... to one day find an old house and fix it up.  I love finding old abandoned items to return back to their glory... that was the basis of the antique business my hub and I were doing right?  I figured that one day AFTER my kids were out of our home, I'd find THE house and just go to town fixing it up.  When my bestie told us about the property next to hers being for sale a year BEFORE my mental timeline... I figured I'd look to make HER happy because I had no intentions of buying now... but mid way through the walk through I felt the internal "click".. the house felt like home.  I may have to blame my mother for that because the layout is similar in front to hers in Half Moon Bay.... but either way... I was on the phone with the bank trying to see if I could afford a second house for a year.  I could and I bought the house with my husbands blessing... remodeling a house was something he wanted to do too... He's good with his hands.

Today we're a year into the renovations.  We're finally putting the building back together again.  We're doing more than we thought we would to start... some things we thought we could put off for a couple of years.. like the roof... and it's turning out that we need to bite the bullet and just do it now.  Finances are getting tight and there are days I just have to breathe to not panic.  I need the house done by July... maybe October... When I think about what it will look like when it's finished, I find my inner zen...  but then I open my eyes and see the open walls and start tallying the budget that is always running in my brain like a stock market ticker and I need to breathe again.  I highly recommend Lamaze for anyone in this process.

The hardest part about doing this renovation is the distance between the old and new houses.  It's a 90 minute drive to the farm, thus my hub stays at my friends house when he's working there to be able to use the 3 hours he would have done commuting.  I can't stay there all the time as my daughter is still home and we have fur babies that need to be taken care of.  Thus our already minimal time we have together because of our careers is now almost non existent.  I'm not going to lie, it's caused a few arguments.  Truly our date nights now consist of going to Lowes and me being on the farm working in the garden while he bangs and swears in the house...  I've told him we just need to keep pushing through... the end IS in sight.  We just have to get to the end, so that we can move there and be in ONE home, while we do part two of the renovations.  It WILL be easier then.  Until then... he has to soldier on down there, while I take care of animals, kids and work on getting our current house ready to sell.  It's a monstrous project that we will survive but I would not suggest anyone with weaker genes to take on.

I've been working through my head on things to do to help relationship build when this is over... Don't get me wrong, we've done fun things in the past year, like Italy for two weeks... but it's easy to forget those when you're back in the midst of sawdust and paint.  I may have to swing a weekend up in Virginia while he's working during the summer... give him a break from traveling in between gigs... maybe head to our favorite salvage place there... or go to the wine country that we visited last year... We both need a bit of peace... but what I think we'll do when we've moved into the farm, this house has sold... and the addition built... is head to Chacala again... where we don't do phones or internet... where we wake up to roosters... and we found peace on our honeymoon...  Maybe both make sense... Maybe more... We met in Richmond... a beginning... and our honeymoon was another beginning... and the farm is another beginning...

It'll work out... especially after... when Bill has a barn he can scream in to his hearts content... no HOA complaints... out of his wife's earshot...  Focus on all that Bill... we'll get there... it's a short term pain in the ass but our future there will be fabulous...  xoxo

A Goal Without A Plan is Only A Dream (Setting Goals in 2019 Part 2)

In my previous post I spoke of how looking for a suit to interview in set my goal of losing weight... both for my own self esteem and to feel confident in a suit WHILE interviewing... Selling yourself is all about confidence...

While I didn't get the position I wanted, I was successful in getting the key players to know who I am, and what I'm looking for.  I know I came in second place... so I'm pretty positive if I bide my time, another role will come up that will excite me just as much, and they'll be ready.  That said, in reaching for that role, I realized I'm open to clipping my wings and changing my career.  It left me wondering... what's next???

In comes one of my closest friends and her change of career... she's just sent her new book to an editor, and is beginning 9 week coaching sessions based on her book... topic???   How to reach the Next Level... and rise higher in your career...  Serendipity???  You bet!!!  I signed right up for the first class.  We're on week two and it's really got me thinking about who I am and what road map I need to take to get me to where I want to be.  I'll expound upon that shortly, but before I get there... Here's a quick link to her business page.... http://sonyasigler.com/coaching/  she's still getting it completely up and running so forgive any bugs you may find... I'll give you more information in the upcoming weeks, especially when her book finally goes to print.

One of Sonya's questions was about what your dream job was as a child?  Did you follow it?  What did you see versus who you are now?  What do you need to achieve that dream and what do you not like about your current job?  I'm in that childhood dream job now.  I still have my United Jr Flight Attendant badge.  I wanted to fly when I was 12.  I really don't hate anything about the job - I only miss the previous family I had... those of us that escaped a dying company are still trying to figure out who we are in our new companies and whether or not we can find new families there.  So for me it's really about finding a way to cover the delta of money lost when child support ends in  July.  Do I finally figure out how to use my Masters Degree now that I'm about to become an empty nester or is there something I can do in conjunction with the career I have loved for over a decade?

This 9 week program should help me find clarity on which path to take... I know my non negotiables in my life are NO Drama and NO Pettiness...  as well as stability and inner harmony.  Life is too short to be miserable.  Additionally the things I value most are Integrity/Honesty/Authenticity, Loyalty, Justice and Humor/Happiness.  I spend most of my spare time either blogging, gardening, traveling or junking.  From this I see two directions... and it doesn't mean I only have to take one path... I can:

1)  Use my BA (Non Profit Management) and Masters (Union Management) and find an organization that I can lobby and fight for.  I don't see it being Union per se but a non profit like Jobs For Justice or such where I can be an advocate without inside politics.  Appreciated for what I do.  I just need to road map what sort of place I COULD fight for... In my 20's it was domestic violence.  Today.. it's an open book... but I know for me to be great in that position, I'd have to BELIEVE in it... I am authentic to the core.

OR...

2)  Continue flying but attempt to make up the difference doing the things I love to do during my days off.  When I was immersed in the exercise and saw Junking, Blogging, Gardening & Traveling in large writing, it occurred to me that I might actually be able to make money doing what I love.  Thus, please forgive me, but I'm starting yet another blog for just this purpose.  I've spent the day designing the blog and coming up with the first week or so's topics.  It's going to be a blog on where to find treasures around the country and world.  In writing it, I'm also hoping to start checking off bucket lists of antique shows, and flea markets across the world.  I'll post it to my Facebook page when it's ready, with a please share.  If there's places you'd love to hear about, I'd love suggestions... and if you want to join on some of these excursions... let me know... the more the merrier.

So... do I know what's next?  Nope... But I'm standing next to Monty Hall and I'm ready to make a deal... as soon as I finish a few more coaching sessions with Sonya...  :)  Wish me luck on whatever venture(s) I chase.

I Don't Know The Way But I'll Be There Soon... (Setting Goals in 2019 Part 1)

It's been a while since I've turned to THIS blog... for those who don't know me well, I have a few... one for gardening, one for my junkin/renovating lifestyle... and this... for my family life...  I've spent a lot of time on our home renovations this past year but lately I've felt the need to focus also on the renovation of me.  Don't get me wrong... I'm not changing my heart - the core of who I am... I'm pretty ok with who I've become internally...  there's just a few things that I need to tweak this year...

2007

Today's goal topic:  Losing Weight or Reducing Some of the Crowell I've Become lol...

12 years ago, when I was going through my divorce with my kids dad, I was a stay at home mom who had the financial ability to get a personal trainer and the emotions to eat almost nothing.  I resumed the running that I did in my teens/20's and, at 40, was in the best shape I'd been in my life.  Divorce diets are amazing! (I'm not willing to do that again)  I modeled for fun... ran races every month... got a belly button piercing (you could SEE my belly button)... and looked amazing.  By the time the divorce was through, I was happier than I'd been in a long time.  Lost the personal trainer... but kept running... running was my therapy...  I ran through happiness and sadness... anger and triumphs... I worked out issues as I ran, and as an added benefit it kept me thin...

2016

During the months and years that followed I discovered myself - my strengths, weaknesses, and needs as a single woman, which is something everyone should do before marriage but few ever do... and when I finally met my husband I was ready for the "click" that said THIS man was the missing link... who fit into the life I had made and with whom I had become in that decade... I found myself not needing the long runs but needing the rare times we spent together... junkin, creating and eating amazing meals on our kitchen patio.  I'd found peace in my life.  Sidebar - those of you that know my hub... YES that crazy, grumpy, high energy Tasmanian devil CAN be peaceful... at times...

What I also found in these 5 years was more than a few pounds...  I laughed my way out of a size 4... which really isn't healthy for my height and body type anyway...  and then started feeling a bit guilty as my 6's started getting tight... I've been an 8 for the past 2 years... pushing a 10.  I've been joking about being fat and happy... until I decided it was time to change my job... and I went to try on suits... Gone were the days that I could walk in, put clothes on and have them "just fit"... I was having a Cathy moment with each suit and my ego deflated rapidly.  By Lent this year I decided it was time... time to stop laughing and stop looking at myself with less love.  I don't want to be 126 and a size 4 again... I just want my 6's back... and comfortably so.

3/6/2019 27.5 BMI

Have you looked at your weight and height BMI??? I did the moment I decided a change was coming... it's lovely to have a computer tell you what you know... that you're overweight.  I'm pretty positive I dropped an f bomb at my phone... then I did two things... started recording what I was eating... and last week I signed up with a program though my work...  online coaching sessions.... my first 1-1 is today.  I don't know if it will help... I just need accountability if I start to fall off this new wagon I'm on.  On March 6th I gave myself an attainable and more importantly a maintainable goal...  and I'm heading for it.  In 3 weeks I've lost 10 pounds.  The first week I didn't drink alcohol at all.  Now I'm allowing myself a glass a day... unless I'm with friends and then I allow myself to have a good time without guilt... I've pretty much stopped the junk food... except when I'm working Tuesdays... because everyone needs Donut Tuesdays...  I'm eating smarter... and I'm not starving... I haven't had pizza or a hamburger in 3 weeks... and I'll live...

As of today I'm 5 pounds away from the BMI telling me I'm healthy... 15 pounds away from 6's being comfortable... and 20 pounds away from the goal.  As of today, I still have no desire to start running again... my hip wasn't loving it by the time I quit... but recording that food... Keeps me on track... and I'm happy with the results so far... ooohhhh... and that hub of mine gets a big gold star 🌟... when I told him I was doing this... he said "you're doing this for YOU right???"  He loves me thinner or thicker... and wanted to make sure I knew I didn't need to do this. 💓💓💓

I'll update y'all on my Lenten success on Easter (April 21st)... and when I reach the 20 pound mark, I'll post a picture... keeping it honest and real... because again... I need accountability... :)

Stay tuned for Part 2 of 2019 Goals....