Touch me as I fall asleep

There's something about the person you love stroking your head.... whether it be their hands tangled in your hair or just the gentle touch on your head...   or face... it makes you revert back to the animal you started from many generations ago.  You understand the cat purring and the dog rubbing their back further into your leg for attention.  That simple touch warms hearts and heals soo many pains.

There's something about not being able to touch the person you love.  The ache of needing to touch and be touched starts small and becomes this void of monstrous proportions if time apart drags on too long.

There's something about loving another person so much that all you need is to be in their presence.  To be able to reach out and touch them.  To snuggle up to them.  To look at them and know they see you, understand you and love you for who you are.  These small simple pleasures mean more to you than grandiose gifts. 

Finding someone that does this for you is one of the greatest gifts life can afford you.... Remember it's a gift.  Don't take it for granted... and if that void of monstrous proportions starts to consume you... find a way to get to your "one".  Don't let it slip away.  Reach out and hold on tight.  It's worth the battle.  I promise.

You talked in your sleep last night like you always do... but this time I got you to talk with me...  you let me join you in your sleeping mind... 18 hours later I'm trying to remember the trigger words I repeated in my head over and over before I went back to sleep grinning so I could use them in a blog.. but they are lost in the fog of both of our sleepiness...

Thank you for bringing me my mocha this morning, for not wanting to miss a minute with me last night and, most importantly, for the love that is in your heart that you wear across your face every time you get near me...  <3

"I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" - Aerosmith

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For the rest of time, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
and I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't Give Up

I haven't written for nearly a month because I wanted to make this blog solely about us and things that we have done together.  Yet in the wee hours of the morning I realized that I needed to feed the blog as much as we need to feed each other emotionally.


Long distance relationships are hard... and our two careers sometimes make it impossible to see each other for stretches at a time.  October was fabulous.  November has been bleak.  December has the potential to be fabulous again once we get there.  It's the "getting there" that is taking its toll on both of us.

Buzzfeed (http://www.buzzfeed.com/candacelowry/things-no-one-tells-you-about-being-in-a-long-distance-re) had 22 things that people don't tell you about being in a long distance relationship.

 1.  People tend to not take you seriously when you say you are doing it.
      Truth.  They act like its a phase.  Because it's said phase they don't really want to hear about the relationship because why should they invest time into listening about the person when one day you will simply "snap out of it".

 2.  You don't realize how sad you'll be until your baby leaves.
      False.  I know the moment I see him I'm going to be destroyed when he or I leave again.  So I focus on the next time we'll be together.  It's that focus that gets me through.

3.  You often have to resort to a ton of voice calls or messaging.
      Shouldn't every relationship?  This shouldn't just be a long distance thing.

4.  In order for it to work you both have to be committed.
     Again, this should be for all relationships.

5.  Time tends to slow down because you are counting down the time til they come back.
     Truth.  Time is a motherfucker and clocks need to be shot

6.  The internet can be your worst enemy.
     Truth.  When we have horrid internet in one of our hotels or his places of work it drives us both crazy... although I'm someone that tends to find silver linings... and it actually gets comical looking at Bills face frozen in funny moments or hearing him scream his mudgieisms at the computer.  When he can see me again after a freeze and he's still screaming "death to all ISPs" I blow kisses at him til he falls back into a fit of laughter.

7.  Or the internet can be your best friend.
    Truth.  Facetime is the saving grace for a long distance relationship.  It keeps you connected even though you cant touch the person you love.

8.  Flying out to see them is more expensive that you think.
    Not really applicable for us.  The cost has affected his getting to me a bit... and it's frustrating for both of us, however next year he'll have my benefits and it wont cost him more than the equivilant to a tank of gas.

 9.  Every day there will be things that trigger memories of your significant other that will cause you to randomly cry.
     Not true for me.  I see those things and grin like an idiot.


10.  Distance starts to mean something entirely different.
      The actual physical space between you not the emotional space.

11.  You become more independent in a good way.
       Fuck that shit.  I've been independent for 7 years raising my kids and taking care of my home.  He's been independent for a long time and we both, at our age, know what we are capable of.  I don't need a long distance relationship to fucking tell me how to be independent.

12.  Trust and communication become the two most important things that can make or break your relationship.
       Truth.  The distance actually makes us be more communicative about our thoughts.  Building on an already solid friendship.


13.  Conversations aren't always lively.
        Truth.  We have them nightly to keep our connection.  That said, there are nights when I'm talking and Bill's response is "Yeah."   "Yeah."  "Yeah."
        "Honey I'm sorry, I know you had a long day.  Do you want me to let you sleep?"
        "You probably should"...  lol
        I should state here both of us have done this.... :)


14.  When you see anyone hug or kiss on tv you experience a moment of debilitating sadness.
       False.  But when I'm watching a movie and someone is about to get laid my body goes into overdrive screaming at me the unfairness of the distance and having to wait X amount of days more to be crawling up that tall drink of yumm.

15.  You are more attached to your phone than ever.
       False.  My friends will tell you that my phone has always been a part of my body.  Like a third arm.  I'm guilty of never putting it down.  Except to sleep.  Then it's right next to me.  Because it's a part of my body right?

16.  Planning has become a forte in your life
       Um.  Truth for him.  It's forcing him to plan.  Me, I've always been a control freak in my planning.

17.  You get alot more negative comments from your friends than positive.
       Refer to #1.  It's simply not a topic of conversation with the exception of Sandra who knows Bill and has hung with us multiple times.  She loves him to death and always wants to know how he is.

18.  Everytime you see your friends you are asked about your significant other and the "long distance situation".
       Refer to #17.  He does get asked that question though.

19.  You have more opportunities to be more romantic and a little creative.
       Oooh, I liked the picture they had in their writing.  May have to think like that.  Don't go read it Bill lol.  The texts that we send to lift each other up at certain times of day though can be the sweetest things received EVER.

20.  The thirst is real and unavoidable and pretty easy to deal with.
       Truth.  Seeing each other again is fabulous.  Until then thank god for batteries.

21.  Your time is now focused on the friendship part of the relationship.
        Truth.  This is not a bad thing.

22.  Seeing them after all those months is the best thing in the world and makes all the effort worth it.
       Truth.  

It's hard.  We know we have this thing... and it's an amazing thing... yet a part of us is 512 miles away.  Everything we do daily we do in order to keep the connection going and keep us sane.  On my side, the longer apart I am, the more I shut down into a "pc hibernation mode"...  It keeps me sane that calm numbness.  I realized yesterday though that I have to try to stay out of that mode for him.  My head and heart saving numbness is tearing him apart making him think I'm giving up.  I'm not baby.  I will try to stay out of that mode for you.  We'll find a balance for both of us.  December is almost here and when the new year comes along we'll be planning how to get you down to me permanently.

I'm not giving up that easily...  Don't you.


  

"Don't Give Up" - Peter Gabriel

in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose

don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good

though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn

drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakeside
as daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground

don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong

rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up

'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing

moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs

don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's a place
there's a place where we belong